I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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