what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
