Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
