Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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