Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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