so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
