note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
