Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
