if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
