i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
