i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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