whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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