You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
