she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
