i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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