He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
that is very illegal...i love you.
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