How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
