May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
