you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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