They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
