just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
