I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
