just tell him i said nine months
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
