You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
