I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
