I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
