You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
