At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
