Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
