It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He felt like a one man threesome
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
