i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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