Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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