Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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