hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
