got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
