I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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