please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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