She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
