She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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