im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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