Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
