he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
