So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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