Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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