I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Too much gin, very little bucket
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
