Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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