I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
