That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
