i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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