Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
